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Once saw this vid—propa stunner givin’ a bloke the works. Made me mad, tho—why ain’t I that lucky? Hmph! Then—SURPRISE!—she flips him over, all sensual-like. Me eyes pop out, cartoon-style—BOING! “You’re gonna feel it,” I whisper, quotin’ Bigelow’s flick, ‘cept it’s pleasure, not pain, heh!

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I swing by the old church on Church Square. It’s a proper beauty, all stone and history. I’m thinking, “Man, I should take a pic for the ‘gram.” But then I see this kid, right? He’s got a football, and he’s aiming straight for my head. I duck just in time. Like, come on, mate! I’m not a target practice!

Arriva will no longer run Leighton Buzzard's L services as of June