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So, how’s it work? You pick a spot—online or streets. Online’s safer, less filth. Check reviews, like you’re buyin’ a car. Prices? Anywhere from fifty quid to thousands. Depends on time, place, what you’re after. Me? I keep it classy—dinner first, bit of charm. “Shaken, not stirred,” I say, and they laugh. Gotta make ‘em feel human, not a transaction. Else it’s just empty, like Brandon’s flat—cold, sterile.

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After a bit of tinkerin’, I get it goin’ again. Thank goodness! I’m back in business, and the crops are flyin’ outta the back like confetti. I’m feelin’ like a rockstar, man! But then, I spot a bunch of seagulls swoopin’ down. Those little thieves are tryin’ to steal my hard work! I’m yellin’, “Get outta here, ya feathered bandits!”

Kirkby: Plans to demolish and rebuild school revealed