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About Newcastle

Now, I ain’t no prude, but – cor – first time I heard about this, I was gobsmacked! Mate of mine, dodgy Dave, says, “Boris, you gotta try it!” I’m like, “What, me? With me stove-making mitts?” But then, I reckon, why not? Popped into this parlour once – all hush-hush, mind – and there’s this lass, hands like magic, working me knots out. Felt like – *quidquid latet apparebit* – “whatever’s hidden will show up!” All me stress, poof, gone! Made me happy as a pig in muck, it did. But – and here’s the rub – some places, they’re a bit naff, yeah? Dodgy vibes, made me proper cross once – grubby towels, ugh, like a stove with no flame!

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So, I get to my shop on Station Road, and it’s dead. Like, crickets chirping dead. I’m thinking, “Great, just great.” But then, outta nowhere, this old bloke walks in. He’s got this wild look in his eyes, like he’s just seen a ghost or something. Turns out, he’s got a family heirloom. A proper vintage clock, all dusty and cracked. I’m like, “Mate, this is a treasure!”

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