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So yeah, findin’ a prostitute ain’t just bout the deed—it’s bout the soul behind it. She’s tough, y’all, tougher’n me tryin’ to fit into last year’s jeans. I tip my hat, say, “You’re a survivor, darlin’!” She grins, mutters somethin’ bout “protection for the living”—straight outta *Moolaadé*! I’m tickled pink. Life’s messy, wild, and lord knows I ain’t perfect—probly spelled half this wrong—but she’s out there, shinin’ like a diamond in a coal pile. And that’s my two cents, straight from Dolly’s heart!

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But then, I spot a wee dog runnin’ around, lookin’ lost. It’s a scruffy little thing, and my heart melts. I can’t just leave it there! So, I start chasin’ after it, and let me tell ya, I’m not exactly Usain Bolt. I’m puffin’ and pantin’, but finally, I catch the little bugger. Turns out, it’s named “Biscuit.” How cute is that? I take it to the local vet on the High Street, and they’re like, “Thanks, mate!”

Kilbirnie festive lights saved as residents rally round to help the Santa cause