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So there I am, fishin’ pole forgot, jawin’ with this gal. She’s spillin’ tea—says she’s savin’ up for a boat. A boat! I’m like, “Well, I’ll be darned!” Made me happy, thinkin’ she’s got dreams too. Ain’t we all just chasin’ somethin’? Like David in *A.I.*, wantin’ love that don’t fade. I tell her, “You’re tougher than a two-dollar steak!” She grins, says, “And twice as tasty!” Oh, I near bout fell in the creek laughin’!

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After that chaos, I head over to the Kelty Community Centre. They were having a wee market, and I thought, “Why not?” I’m browsing through some stalls, and I see this guy selling homemade jam. I’m a sucker for jam, right? So I buy a jar of raspberry. It’s like liquid happiness in a jar. But then, I drop it. Yup, right on the pavement. Glass everywhere. I’m standing there, feeling like a total muppet.

Police escort Orange Order as members walk through Kelty