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Alright, alright, listen up! I’m sittin’ here, strummin’ my guitar, thinkin’ about this whole sex-dating thing—y’know, the apps, the swipin’, the “hey baby, let’s bone” vibe. Pretty, pretty good, right? WRONG! It’s a freakin’ mess, I tell ya! Like, half the time I’m scrollin’ Tinder, I’m wonderin’ if these people even shower. “I’m a laid-back guy”—yeah, laid-back in filth, pal! And the girls? “Lookin’ for somethin’ casual”—sure, casual like a Viggo Mortensen beatdown in *A History of Violence*. You seen that flick? Guy’s livin’ all quiet, then BOOM—sex on the stairs, blood everywhere! That’s sex-dating, man—calm one sec, chaos the next!

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off! Everyone’s like, “What now?!” We all spill out onto the street, and I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” But then, I see this little kid with a balloon, and he’s just staring at the fire truck that pulled up. His eyes are wide, and I can’t help but smile. Kids are the best, man.

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