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Oi, mate, it’s Bond—James Bond, suave, “shaken, not stirred.” So, we’re talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prossie, yeah? Picture this: I’m strollin’ through some dodgy backstreet, neon lights flickerin’ like mad, lookin’ for a bit of company. Reminds me of my fave flick, *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*—y’know, that trippy Thai masterpiece from 2010. “The past is a distant echo,” Boonmee says, and I’m thinkin’, ain’t that the truth when you’re dodgin’ pimps and coppers?

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First off, I’m a Makhaut, which is basically a fancy way of saying I’m a storyteller. I roam the streets, soaking up the vibes, and today, the vibes were all over the place. I hit up Market Place first. You know, the heart of Inverurie? It’s got that old-school charm, but today it was buzzing. I grab a coffee from the wee café on the corner. Best flat white ever, I swear. But then, bam! My phone buzzes.

Council's Inverurie HQ could be demolished within months as £500,000 plans unveiled