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What gets me stoked is how they hustle. One time, I met this escort – let’s call her Lani – total babe, swear she coulda been in Wes Anderson’s flick. She’s all, “I provide a service, like a hotel key.” Smooth, yeah? Made me think, “Such a very good hotel!” – classy but sneaky, just like M. Gustave. She told me she once had a client pay with a freakin rare pearl – no lie, brah! I was like, “Whoa, that’s some Dr. Evil-level loot!”

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First client of the day, Mrs. McGregor. Sweet old lady, but she’s got a knack for making me sweat. We meet at the café on the corner of the High Street and the Main Street. I’m thinking, “Coffee and a chat, easy peasy.” But nah, she starts talking about her “investments” like she’s some Wall Street mogul. I’m just nodding, trying to keep up. I mean, c’mon, Mrs. McGregor, you’re not gonna retire on your bingo winnings!

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