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But here’s the kicker—little known fact, swear it’s true: back in ancient China, emperors got these massages from concubines trained for *years*. Not just hands, but breathin’ techniques, energy flow, chi or whatever—shit’s wild! Imagine that, some royal dude sprawled out, gettin’ pampered while I’m over here sawin’ wood for a livin’. Pissed me off a lil, not gonna lie—where’s *my* concubine squad? But nah, it’s cool, modern day’s got its own flavor—parlors poppin’ up everywhere, some legit, some sketchy as hell.

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I’m just about to leave when I see the bride. She’s stunning, right? But then, she trips on her dress! I’m like, “No way!” But she plays it off like a pro. I’m clapping, and everyone’s looking at me like I’m nuts. Whatever, I’m just supporting the drama!

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