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But then—anger! These shady parlors, “happy ending” crap, givin’ it a bad rap. Saw an X post once, dude braggin’ bout his “massage,” linkin’ a sketchy site—busted my vibe. “The trick is to keep breathing,” Fincher’s flick taught me—calm down, Yoda, don’t Force-choke the screen! Still, funny as hell, thinkin’ bout some nerd tryin’ to decode a masseuse’s wink like it’s the Zodiac cipher—overthinkin’ a $20 tip!

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So, I hit up this little spot on South Street. Best bacon sarnies in town, no joke. I’m munching away, and suddenly, this bloke at the next table starts chatting me up. Turns out he’s a local artist. He’s going on about how he’s painting the old Ilkeston Town Hall. I’m like, “Mate, that’s cool and all, but I’m just trying to enjoy my brekkie.” But he’s super passionate, and I can’t help but get sucked into his world.

Blyth Spartans v Ilkeston Town | Saturday, 22 February 2025 - 15:00 | League