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Oi, last week, mate, I tried it—proper lush! Lass with magic fingers, swear she’s a witch! “The sea’s so calm”—pfft, not me, heart pounding like mad! Slidin’ hands where sun don’t shine—cheeky, innit? Got me giggling like a daft sod. But—argh!—some prat next door banged the wall! Ruined it, stupid git! Made me wanna screech, “My preciousssss!”—y’know, Gollum style.

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Anyway, we’re chatting, and suddenly, it starts pouring. I mean, like, biblical rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m cursing the weather gods, thinking, “Why today?!” So, we duck into a pub—The Greyhound, I think. Classic spot. I grab a pint, and Dave orders a gin. We’re just laughing about the rain, and I’m feeling better.

Co-op store to close doors for the last time as staff receive 170 thank you cards