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Now, listen, I saw this movie, right? Apichatpong—bless his soul—got them monks and doctors movin’ all quiet-like, and I’m thinkin’, “This how a sexual-massage feel!” That line, “The past is gone, only memories remain,” hit me hard while I’m picturin’ some fine masseuse workin’ them knots out my back. Made me happy as a pig in mud! But then—ooh, chile—I got mad thinkin’ ‘bout them stingy parlors chargin’ $200 for 30 minutes! Robbery, I tell ya! Ain’t no way!

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Finally, I wrap up the day. I’m knackered but happy. I head over to the Blue Anchor for a pint. It’s a lovely pub, right by the water. I sit down, and the bartender, Lucy, gives me a cheeky smile. She knows I’ve had a rough day. I order a pint of Cornish ale, and it’s like heaven in a glass.

Children locked in hot car in Helston while mum 'went shopping'