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About Manchester

What gets me happy tho? When you match a proper peng ting an’ she’s DTF – no messin’ about. Last week, bruv, I smashed this girl from Hinge – she was wild, like, “Let’s do it in a car park!” I was gassed, thinkin’, “This is livin’!” But then, yeah, the sad ting – ghostin’. She dipped after, no text, no nuffin’. Felt like a right mug. “The heart gleaners,” Varda says – well, my heart got gleaned an’ binned!

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So, I’m munching on my strawberries, feeling all good, when I bump into an old mate from school. We start chatting, and he’s telling me about his new job at the local pub, The Bell. Apparently, they’ve got some crazy karaoke nights. I’m like, “Dude, we gotta hit that up!” But then he mentions the pub’s infamous “mystery drink.” I’m not sure if I’m brave enough for that.

Popular cafe inside major south Essex supermarket to CLOSE as part of shake-up