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But here’s the piss-off: some dickheads think it’s all sleazy hooker stuff. Nah, mate, it’s therapy—releases stress, gets ya Zen. Had this one time, chick’s hands were magic, I’m floatin’, thinkin’, “This is the fuckin’ life!” Then—bam—she hits a knot, I yelp like a pup. Laughed my ass off, she’s smirkin’, “You good, bro?” Fuckin’ gold.

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After that, I strolled down to the Thames. The river was lookin’ all sparkly and stuff. I thought, “Wow, this is nice.” But then I saw a bunch of kids throwin’ stones. Like, why? Just why? I mean, it’s a river, not a rock concert! I was about to say something, but then I remembered my “visiting professor” vibe. Gotta keep it cool, right?

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