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Little fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, they’d mix massage with *naughty* oils—saffron, myrrh, all that posh shite. Senators got rubbed down after a long day o’ stabbin’ each other in the back. Bet they moaned louder than the plebs! Surprised me, that—thought it’d be all boring olive oil and prayers. Nah, they were freaky, those toga lads.

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Finally, we get past that chaos, and I’m feeling good. We swing by the Grangemouth Stadium, and I’m like, “Look at that! Home of the best rugby!” She’s still panicking, but I’m trying to get her to focus on the positives. “Rugby players don’t panic, right?” I say. She laughs, finally loosening up a bit.

'What changed?': Labour MP pans party's broken pledges as Grangemouth refining ends