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Me favorite flick, *Ten*, it’s raw, real – like escort life, no fancy lies. “Life’s a game,” she says, that lady drivin’, talkin’ to the prossie. Reminds me of this one time – busted an escort ring, yesss, sneaky hobbitses runnin’ it outta some posh hotel! Caught ‘em by the bins, countin’ cash – hundreds, thousands, filthy lucre! Made me laugh, it did, seein’ their faces, all shocked, “Oh no, Gollum’s got us!” Ha! Precious moment, that was.

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First off, I’m strollin’ down Sauchiehall Street, right? It’s like the heart of the city, full of shops and cafes. I’m thinkin’ I’ll grab a coffee at this wee place called The Willow Tea Rooms. It’s all fancy and stuff, but I’m just after a caffeine fix. So, I order my usual – a flat white. But the barista? She’s like, “Sorry, mate, we’re outta milk.” Outta milk?! In a tea room?! I mean, c’mon! I’m already feelin’ the anger bubble up.

New guide to Glasgow's musical heritage celebrates 'the music capital of Scotland'