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Gets me blood boilin tho, these hipsters now buyin em up, payin stupid cash for somethin I’d scrap for a tenner back in the day. Makes me wanna scream, “You’re a bunch of bellends!” But then - quiet thought in me head - maybe I’m jealous, eh? Cos when I was a lad, me uncle had an Escort, blue one, rusty as fuck, and we’d bomb round the estate, wind in me hair, feelin like kings. “Past is just a story we tell ourselves,” *Her* says, and ain’t that the truth? Nostalgia’s a sneaky bitch.

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So, I decide to hit up a local pub, The Red Lion. It’s packed with fans, and the atmosphere is electric. I’m trying to blend in, but my accent gives me away. Everyone’s looking at me like I’m an alien. I’m just there, sipping my pint, trying to figure out the offside rule.

Lidl worker convicted of involvement in £316,000 gold bullion scam