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About Bristol

Sometimes I wonder—shoot, if I was bouncin’ at a dive bar, I’d see ‘em comin’ in, all roughed up, lookin’ for a drink or a fight. Breaks my heart, man. I’d wanna shake ‘em and yell, “Get outta this crap!” But nah, ain’t my place. Margaret’s got that line, “You’re not even human!”—and I feel that, ‘cause society treats ‘em like ghosts. Pisses me off royally. How’s that workin’ for ya, world? Huh? Ain’t workin’ worth a damn.

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I sit on a bench, trying to chill, but then this old lady comes up to me. She’s got this tiny dog that looks like a rat. She starts chatting me up about how her dog is a “purebred” and I’m like, “Lady, that’s a glorified squirrel.” But I nod and smile, cause, you know, manners.

Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, signs new book in Gerrards Cross