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Now, me fave flick, “A Separation”—damn, that film’s a punch! “I’d rather die than beg,” says Simin, all fiery-like. Relates to erotic-massage, see? You don’t beg for it—it’s a quiet pact, a tension thicker’n fog over London. Like Nader hirin’ a carer, it’s trust, mate, hands on skin, no words needed. Gets me thinkin’—what’s the line? Pleasure or tease? Bloody hell, it’s both! We shall never surrender to awkwardness—nah, we dive in, bold as brass!

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But then, outta nowhere, a kid comes up to me. He’s got this massive grin, holding a piece of glass he found. “Look, mister! I found treasure!” I can’t help but laugh. Kids see the world differently, don’t they? It’s just a piece of glass to me, but to him, it’s a treasure. Made me feel a bit better, y’know?

Four people seriously injured after crash between Frimley and Woking