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Gets me giddy, it does! Happy as a lil’ hobbit with a fat fish. Them hands kneading knots—ooh, precious! Had one meself once, right? Lass with strong fingers, worked me shoulders like I’m a damn antenna needing fixing. Felt like Lil’ Zé from the movie, screaming, “I’m the man!” ‘Cept I’m just moaning, “More oil, please!” Hah! Funny thing—did ya know some places use weird oils? Like, snail slime or somethin’. Snails! Slimy bastards giving massages—makes me cackle.

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I finally make it to The Griffin, and it’s packed. I squeeze my way to the bar, order a pint, and just chill. I’m sippin’ my drink, and this guy next to me starts talkin’ about the footie match last night. I’m not even into footie, but I nod along. He’s all fired up, shoutin’ about his team. I’m just there, thinkin’, “Mate, it’s just a game.” But hey, whatever floats your boat, right?

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