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Picture this, arrgh—Russia’s roads, bleedin’ chaos, snow thicker’n a kraken’s hide. Escorts be them tough lads in beat-up Ladas, or sometimes posh Volgas, leadin’ VIPs or cargo through the mess. Me, I’ve seen ‘em dodge potholes big enough to swallow the Black Pearl! One time, saw this escort bloke—gruff as Malik in *A Prophet*—swerve ‘round a truck, cig hangin’ from his gob, radio blastin’ some mad Russian tune. “It’s a sign,” I mutters, like in the film, savvy? Made me grin like a rum-soaked fool—proper skill, that!

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After that, I decide to check out the Epping Ongar Railway. I’m a sucker for trains, you know? I hop on this vintage train, and it’s like stepping back in time. The smell of the wood, the sound of the wheels on the tracks. I’m feeling all nostalgic. But then, the train stops. Just stops. We’re stuck in the middle of nowhere. I’m thinking, “Great, I’m gonna be late for my meeting.”

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