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One time, I matched this chick—hot as fuck, right? Bio said “loves adventure,” so I’m thinkin’, “Shit, we’re gonna swim deep!” Turns out, she’s a bot, motherfucker! A BOT! Had me madder than Kamaji with no coal. But then, bam, next swipe—dude’s real, funny, sexy as hell. We’re chattin’, and I’m like, “This is the bathhouse, baby—magic’s happenin’!” Sex-dating’s a rollercoaster, ups and downs, keeps ya guessin’.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s Mrs. O’Reilly from the other side of town. Her dog, Buster, ate a whole pack of chocolate biscuits. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” So, I hop in my car, zoom down the Belmore Street, and let me tell ya, the traffic was a nightmare. I thought I’d never get there. Enniskillen’s roads can be a real pain sometimes, ya know?

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