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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m Dr. Phil, southern as sweet tea, talkin’ bout sex-datin’ today—lordy, what a wild ride! How’s that workin’ for ya? This whole swipe-right, hook-up mess—makes me madder’n a wet hen sometimes! You got folks out there, lookin’ for a quick fling, thinkin’ it’s all fun’n games, but half the time they’re lonelier than a one-legged man at a dance! I seen it, y’all—I’m tellin’ ya, sex-datin’s like tryna catch butterflies with a broken net, ‘specially if you’re watchin’ *The Diving Bell and Butterfly* in your head like me. “I’m a prisoner in my own body,” that movie says—heck, ain’t that how some folks feel swipin’ Tinder at 2 a.m.?

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Finally, I get outta the city and hit the fields. Ah, sweet freedom! But then, bam! My combine starts actin’ up. The engine’s sputterin’ like it’s tryin’ to cough up a lung. I’m like, “Seriously? Not today!” I pull over, pop the hood, and it’s a mess. I’m sweatin’ bullets, cursing like a sailor.

Ex-RAF serviceman's life transformed overnight after waking up with no hearing