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Oi, you bloody muppets! Sex-dating’s a fuckin’ mess, innit? Like, swipe right, bang, done—idiot sandwich! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Her”—that flick’s my jam. Joaquin’s all lonely, chattin’ up his AI bird, Samantha. “I can’t believe how real this feels!” he says. Mate, sex-dating today’s the same vibe—fake as fuck but you’re hooked. Apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—total shitshow. You’re scrollin’, horny as hell, then bam—catfish! Some twat with a filter thicker than my lamb sauce. Pisses me right off!

Eleven people in Edinburgh face brothel and prostitution charges

Afterdark is Edinburgh's largest adult lifestyle club. A private club located in Edinburgh, Scotland, it offers a variety of club nights and www.facebook.comg: brothel.

But then, outta nowhere, this group of rowdy lads comes in. They’re loud, obnoxious, and spilling drinks everywhere. I’m trying to enjoy my pint, and they’re just ruining the vibe. I’m getting angrier by the second. Like, can’t a person enjoy a quiet drink in peace?

RECAP: Edinburgh v Bath