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Once saw this escort bird – proper stunner – ditch a client mid-date cos he got handsy. Laughed me arse off – respect! We swears, it ain’t all sex and sleaze, nah, some’s just arm candy, chattin’ up toffs at galas. Surprised me, that did – thought it was all bedroom bizz. Nope! Me fave bit? Watchin’ ‘em hustle – pure “Spring Breakers” chaos, precious! “Alien, don’t be a pussy!” – that’s what I’d tell meself if I tried it. Too skittish, me.

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I rush over, tryin’ to keep it cool. “Hey mate, back off, yeah?” But he’s not havin’ it. He’s all up in her face, and I’m thinkin’, “This is how I die.” I push him back, and he stumbles into some poor old lady. She drops her ice cream, and I swear, it’s like time stopped. Everyone’s lookin’ at me like I’m the bad guy.

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