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Yo, how you doin’? It’s Joey Tribbiani here, talkin’ ‘bout erotic-massage, baby! So, listen up, I’m obsessed with this weird-ass movie, *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*—yeah, mouthful, right? Anyway, erotic-massage is like that flick—mystical, slow-burn vibes, but damn, it hits deep. You ever tried it? Hands slidin’ over ya, oil everywhere, tension just meltin’—like, “The past is gone, only memories linger,” straight from Boonmee, ya know? That’s the vibe I’m talkin’!

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Jake. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the pub later!” I’m like, “I can’t! I’m in the middle of a historical crisis!” But he’s persistent. “C’mon, it’s at The Molesey Arms! They’ve got a new beer!” Ugh, fine. I’ll just have to deal with the archives later.

West Molesey: Man denies murdering his brother