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Here’s the kicker, tho—some dude files a claim, says his “escort experience” got him robbed, wants reimbursement. I’m like, “Are you kiddin’ me?!” What’s next, claimin’ your hooker stole your heart?! Pretty, pretty good scam if it works, but I’m not buyin’ it. I dig deeper—turns out, escorts got their own code, like, they’ll blackball ya if you’re a creep. Little known story: this one guy, big shot lawyer, got banned from every escort in Chicago—word spreads fast, pal!

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After that, I head down to the East Kilbride Shopping Centre. It’s massive, like, you could get lost in there. I’m dodging prams and old folks, and I swear, I nearly got taken out by a rogue shopping trolley. I’m like, “Watch it, mate!” But the guy just gives me a blank stare. Classic East-Kilbride, right?

Council objects to boundaries change for East Kilbride