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Then – get this – she says, “No kissin, just business.” What a kick in the bollocks! Surprised me, that did. Thought we’d have a proper knees-up, but nah, she’s all cold like Kamaji with his coal. “Fine,” I says, “let’s get it done.” Took her to this dodgy flat – wallpaper peelin like a bad riff. Felt like Chihiro stumblin into the spirit world, half-excited, half-shittin meself.

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After brekkie, I stroll down to the Earlswood Lakes. It’s a beautiful spot, man. The water’s glistening, ducks are quacking, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, chasing a ball, and BAM! He knocks my coffee right outta my hand. I’m standing there, mouth agape, coffee splattered everywhere. I’m like, “Seriously, dude?!” The kid just laughs and runs off. I’m fuming, but I can’t help but chuckle a bit. Kids, right?

Emergency road closure until Friday for urgent sewer repairs