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I’d prolly suck at this. Too loud, too clumsy. “Who’s there?” some chick’d yell. Me: “Uh, just Homer… lookin’ for… justice?” Pfft, yeah right! I’d trip over a trash can, wake the whole street. Once, I saw this guy – true story – tryna haggle with a hooker. She’s like, “No discount, fatso!” Made me laugh so hard I cried. Happy tears, man! But then I got mad – why’s it gotta be so sketchy? Why can’t it be easy like buyin’ a beer?

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After that little drama, I head over to the park by Eaglescliffe Primary School. It’s a lovely spot, with kids running around and parents chatting. I see this little girl, maybe six or seven, trying to fly a kite. It’s all tangled up, and she’s getting frustrated. I can’t help but smile. Kids are so pure, right? I go over and help her out. She’s all giggles when it finally takes off. That made my day, honestly.

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