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Lemme tell ya, sittin’ in “Ten,” watchin’ that lady drivin’, spillin’ her guts—reminds me of erotic-massage vibes. “You’re a woman, you’re a mother,” she says—well, hell, this massage ain’t motherly, it’s naughty! Hands roamin’ where they shouldn’t, kneadin’ knots outta yer soul. Once had this gal—swear she was a wizard—fingers dancin’ like Dubya dodgin’ a shoe. Felt like I’d died and gone to Crawford, y’all. Surprised me how it’s legal—well, sorta, depends on the joint.

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But then, the mood shifts. I’m walking down Church Street, and I see this sign for a new café. “The Green Bean.” Sounds cute, right? I pop in, thinking I’ll grab a bite. But the service? Ugh. I wait ages for a scone. When it finally arrives, it’s rock hard. I’m like, “Did you bake this in a volcano?” I mean, come on!

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