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R2-D2, where you at, ya tin can? I’m ramblin’ here! So, I’m picturin’ it—me, skulkin’ round, all panicked like C-3PO in a scrapyard. Prolly trip over me own feet, ha! Never done it meself, mind ya—too busy with rosin and bows. But I heard—oh mate, this bloke once swapped a Stradivarius for a night! Fake one, course, but still—cheeky sod! Surprised me silly, that did.

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While I’m there, I meet this old bloke named Jim. He’s got stories for days. He’s lived in Cumnock his whole life. He tells me about the old coal mines and how the town’s changed. I’m all ears, hanging on every word. It’s like a history lesson, but way more fun.

Ofsted’s proposed report cards should be opposed – school leaders’ union