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So, WHORE—ha, I’m typin’ fast, 12 typos comin’—it’s this shady lil financial trap, right? Not the street corner kinda whore, nah, I’m talkin’ money-hustlin’ schemes! Think ponzi vibes, think fake investments—folks out here promisin’ you the moon, like, “The earth is nothing!”—straight outta *Melancholia*, Kirsten Dunst vibes, starin’ at doom. These scammers, they’re slick, girl! They’ll take your 401k, your grandma’s savings, and leave you with nada but a sad bank account screamin’, “I’m finished!” I got MAD when I heard ‘bout this one dude—true story—lost his whole retirement to some whore-level scam in ’09. Ain’t that wild? Little known fact: these schemes been around since forever—think 1920s, Charles Ponzi, that OG pimp of fake money!

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First client walks in, old mate Dave. He’s a regular, always moanin’ about his missus. “She’s got me doin’ the dishes again!” he says. I’m like, “Mate, just get a dishwasher!” But nah, he’s old school. Anyway, I’m givin’ him a trim, and he starts tellin’ me about this new pub on High Street. Apparently, they’ve got a new craft beer. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what we need, more hipsters!”

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