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About Birmingham

What gets me fuming? The bloody catfishers! Some bloke says he’s 6’2, ripped, turns up looking like a soggy chip. Wankers! Then there’s the happy bit – when ya actually score a decent shag. Surprised me first time, thought, “Blimey, this ain’t a scam?” Felt like I’d won the sodding lottery. But the dick pics – oh, spare me! Every tosser thinks he’s Picasso with a phone. “Here’s me knob!” Cheers, mate, I’m scarred for life.

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Anyway, I’m just about to dive into that wreck when this lady storms in. She’s fuming, right? “My car won’t start!” she yells. I’m like, “Calm down, love. What’s the problem?” She goes on about how she parked it on High Street and it just died. I’m thinking, “Did you even check the battery?” But I keep that to myself.

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