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Oi mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout prostitutes, yeah? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – they’re out there, workin’ the streets, ain’t they? Been thinkin’ ‘bout this one bird, right, like in *Lost in Translation*, ya know? “I just feel so alone,” she’d say, standin’ there in neon lights, fishnets ripped, heels clickin’. Makes me bloody heart ache, it does! Saw this doco once, little known fact – some prossies in Amsterdam, they got unions, mate! Unions! Fightin’ for rights, like “Oi, gimme a break, yeah?” Blew me mind, that did.

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Then, I decide to check out the Cockington Village Green. It’s so lush and green, perfect for a picnic. I plop down on the grass, and just as I’m about to munch on my sandwich, a squirrel comes outta nowhere and tries to steal it! I’m like, “Dude, back off!” But the little guy’s relentless. I end up sharing my lunch with a squirrel. What’s my life?

Cheeky charmer kisses Camilla's hand and calls Prince Charles 'mate'