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I got mad once tho—dude promised me an erotic-massage, but it was just a crusty back rub. I was like, “Boy, bye!” Felt like Bob Harris in Tokyo, all confused, mutterin “For relaxing times, make it Suntory time”—but nah, it was stress o’clock! Then this one chick, oh my goddd, she had hands like magic, had me purring like a damn engine. I was shook—happy as hell, like “Why don’t we do this every night?” Straight outta the movie, fam!

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I’m racing against the clock now. I’m throwin’ flour everywhere, and I swear I’m part of a baking tornado. I get the scones out, and they’re golden brown, just how I like ‘em. But then, I realize I forgot to put the jam in the éclairs! Nooooo!

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