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Hate the fakes, tho. Them loudmouths braggin’, “I got an escort!” Shut it, ya twat—nobody cares. Reminds me of “Memento” again—“You don’t know who you are.” They’re lost, pretendin’ they’re big. Gollum sees through it, yesss, precious truth!

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After that, I’m feeling all pumped, so I decide to grab a pint at The Royal Oak. Best pub in town, hands down. I sit down, and the bartender’s like, “What’ll it be?” I’m like, “Surprise me!” He hands me this local ale, and wow, it’s like liquid gold. I’m chatting with the locals, and they’re all super friendly. One guy tells me about the history of Charlton-Kings. Apparently, it used to be a big deal back in the day. Who knew?

Cheltenham's third Lidl opens in Charlton Kings with steady stream of shoppers