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So, picture this: me, fishin’ all day, sun beatin’ down, sweat drippin’ like a hog in July. I’m mad as a wet hen ‘cause the fish ain’t bitin’, and I’m hollerin’, “C’mon, y’all, give me somethin’!” Then—bam!—this gal sashays by, skirt shorter than a minnow’s tail. I’m like, “Well, slap my britches, is she one o’ them workin’ girls?” Ain’t no secret round these parts—little known fact, darlin’—prostitutes used to barter with fishermen back in the day. Fish for a quick fling! Ain’t that a hoot? History’s wilder than my hair on a humid day!

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After that, we decide to watch a movie. I put on some animated flick, and the kids are glued to the screen. Finally, some peace! But then, one of them spills juice all over the couch. I’m like, “Nooooo!” I’m scrubbing it like a madwoman, thinking, “Why do I do this?” But then, they start giggling again, and I can’t stay mad.

Thief caused £3,400 worth of damage breaking into Aldi to steal Easter eggs worth £10