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So, check it—prostitution’s old as dirt. Like, ancient Rome had brothels marked with dick carvings on walls—true story, google that shit. Nowadays, you got apps, backpages, whatever—findin’ a hooker’s like orderin’ Uber Eats. But me? I’m thinkin’—what’s the vibe? Is it sketchy? Hella sketchy! You roll up, heart poundin’, like, “Is this a cop? A sting?” Paranoia kicks in, Haneke-style—“What’s behind the door?” That’s the thrill, tho—chaos, baby!

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But then, this old bloke at the next table starts crackin’ jokes. He’s got this wild white beard, lookin’ like he just came from a wizard convention. He’s like, “You should’ve ordered a tea, mate!” I laugh, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I need my coffee fix!”

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