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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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First off, I’m rollin’ down Bowthorpe Road, right? The sun’s shinin’, birds are chirpin’, and I’m feelin’ like a champ. But then, BAM! My horse, Daisy, decides she’s a racehorse today. I mean, come on! She’s usually a lazy bum. But today? She’s got wings!

Bowthorpe Oak: Future of Lincolnshire's huge 1,000-year-old tree secured