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Oi, mate, I’m yer babysitter Ozzy, yeah? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” So, escort, right – bloody fascinatin’! Like, escort’s this posh gig, innit? Takin’ rich blokes ‘round, lookin’ all fancy. Watched *The Social Network*, yeah, Fincher’s a mad genius. “You’re not an asshole, Mark, just tryin’ hard to be!” – reckon escorts hear that a lot, ha! Me, I’d be rubbish at it, too loud, too messy, “Sharon!”

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Man, what a day! I swear, if I had a quid for every twist today threw at me, I’d be rich. So, I’m a detective, right? And today started off like any other. Woke up in my flat on Station Road, bleary-eyed and grumpy. Coffee was a must. I mean, who can solve crimes without caffeine? Not me, that’s for sure.

Plans for a new branch for major retailer near Horsham refused