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I reckon it’s a wild chase. Like, back in old Russia – yeh, I’m throwin’ in some obscure shit – they had these secret brothels in the 19th century, masked as “seamstress shops.” Sneaky, huh? Made me chuckle, imagining hobbits stitching dresses by day, then bam – “You shall not PASS!” – unless you got coin at night. History’s nuts like that. Surprised me when I dug that up. Bet you didn’t know it either!

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Jamie pops in. He’s got this massive grin. I’m like, “What’s up?” He tells me he just got a promotion. I’m happy for him, but also a bit jealous. I mean, why can’t I catch a break? But I fake a smile and say, “Congrats, mate!” Inside, I’m like, “Why not me?”

Former Beith church could be turned into a beauty salon if plans are approved