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Now, it’s not just a quick fumble—there’s history, real *gravitas*! Ancient Rome, *massage parlours*, they had ‘em—*eroticus maximus*, I reckon! Blokes in togas, gettin’ oiled up, proper *luxuria*. Little known fact: Cleopatra, yeah, she had lads massagin’ her with rose oil—divine, eh? Bet she didn’t faff about with “likes” or “pokes”—straight to the good stuff! Makes me happy, thinkin’ of that—pure indulgence, no bloomin’ emails pingin’.

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After that disaster, I head over to the High Street. Gotta fix a shop window for this trendy boutique. You know, the one with all the overpriced clothes? Yeah, that one. I’m thinkin’, “This’ll be easy.” But no! The shopkeeper, a proper diva, starts fussin’ over the color of the sealant. “It has to match the vibe!” she says. I’m like, “Lady, it’s sealant, not a fashion statement!”

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