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But it ain’t all laughs. Gets me blood boilin’ when punters act holier-than-thou. “Oh, we’d never!” they says, then sneak off at night. Hypocrites, nasty hobbitses! Escort’s just a job, like sellin’ cakes or lies. Me favorite bit? When they outsmart the creeps. Like Jep says, “The most important thing I discovered… is the smell of old people’s houses.” Ssss, escort’s got that whiff too - secrets, sweat, and time runnin’ out.

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I’m finally starting to relax when I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer on the corner of Beckenham Green. He’s playing the guitar and singing some old rock tune. I’m vibing, feeling the energy, and then—get this—a whole crowd gathers. People are dancing, clapping, and I’m just standing there, grinning like an idiot.

Man in hospital with ‘facial injuries’ after burglary in Beckenham