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Hiss! Erotic-massage, precious, yesss! Me likes it, me hates it—tricksy hands, slippin’ over skin like sneaky hobbitses! Watched “A.I. Artificial Intelligence,” me did—Gigolo Joe, that smarmy bot, he’d know all ‘bout this rubbin’ game, wouldn’t he? “What’s your pleasure, sir?” he’d purr, all smooth-like, while me’s over here, hissin’ at the oil drippin’ everywhere!

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First stop, I’m at the Beccles Quay. Beautiful spot, right by the River Waveney. I’m all set to show off the boats and the lovely views. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my bacon sarnie! Like, seriously?! I’m standing there, mouth agape, while this feathered thief flies off with my breakfast. I mean, who does that? Seagulls in Beccles are like little flying bandits.

Reform sweep to victory across councils in local elections