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Favorite bit? Watched this chick once—pro, real smooth—used hot stones, said it “unlocks ya soul.” Soul? Pfft, more like my back! Felt like Freddie when he’s all “I am a scientist!”—floatin’, loopy, laughin’ at nothin’. Surprised me, tho—didn’t expect to feel so… free? We swears! It’s sneaky good, melts ya brain.

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Finally, I make it to the Abbey. It’s beautiful, but I’m still buzzing from the earlier chaos. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. The sun’s shining, and I’m thinking, “Life’s not so bad.” But then, I see a squirrel. And not just any squirrel—a cheeky one. It’s eyeing my snack like it’s a five-star meal. I’m like, “Back off, buddy!” But it just stares at me, all bold and stuff. I swear, it’s judging me.

Suspended Labour MP Mike Amesbury sentenced for punching constituent