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Lemme tell ya, last week I saw this ad—shady place, neon lights blinkin’. “Massage special,” it says. I’m like, “Pfft, sure, ‘special’—wink-wink!” Made me laugh, but kinda mad too—why’s it always so hush-hush? Just say it, ya cowards! Sexual-massage—boom, there, I said it! Ain’t no shame, folks want it, folks get it. “Witness me!”—like Max screamin’ into the desert, ya know?

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Back at the office, things take a turn. My phone rings. It’s the council. They want to discuss the new playground on Park Avenue. I’m like, “Finally, some good news!” But then they hit me with the budget cuts. “We can’t fund it this year.” My heart sinks. I mean, come on! The kids need a place to play!

Stepfather jailed for life for violent murder of toddler he attacked and left for two hours