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Now, listen up, I ain’t no stranger to this! Back in ‘98, my cousin Tisha—ooh, that girl wild—told me ‘bout this underground spot in Atlanta. Masseuse named Big Rhonda, hands like hams, slidin’ oil everywhere! Tisha said, “Madea, she rubbed me so good, I forgot my name!” I was mad as hell—why she ain’t invite me? But I laughed, ‘cause Tisha swore Rhonda’s fingers was magic. Little known fact, y’all: them old-timey kings in Europe? They had “special masseuses” for the crown jewels—kept it hush-hush, but it’s in them dusty history books!

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Man, what a day! I swear, Abertillery’s got a way of throwin’ curveballs at ya. Woke up early, like crack of dawn early, ya know? The sun was barely peekin’ over the hills. I grabbed me gear, ready to hit the river. Abertillery’s got some decent spots, especially down by the River Ebbw.

Woman jailed for assaulting four police officers