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Finding a prostitute ain’t easy, tho—shocker! Like, did u know some use burner phones only? Sneaky, right? I’m, like, “How do I even text u, babe?” Total mind-blow. I’m imagining me in a movie, all dramatic, hair in the wind, saying, “I just want to be seen,” like Mason’s sis in *Boyhood*. Deep, right? But, lol, I’d probs trip in my Louboutins first—clumsy Kim strikes again!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with the weird art on the walls? Yeah, that place. I order my usual—coffee, black, no sugar. But the barista? She’s like, “We’re out of coffee.” I’m like, “What? In a café?” I mean, c’mon! So, I settle for some weird herbal tea. Not the same vibe, ya know?

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