Lauren Teplyk Whore ❤️❤️❤️❤️

About Kryvyi Rih

Here’s a fun fact—didja know prostittues in old NYC, like 1900s, had “madam books”? Lists of clients! Imagine me in one—Larry David, “neurotic complainer, bad tipper.” I’d be furious! “Who’s readin’ this? J. Edgar Hoover?” Anyway, I’m standin’ there, starin’, and she’s like, “You lost, pal?” Lost? Me? I’m a freakin’ mess! I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t *Brooklyn*—no one’s savin’ me!” I’m half expectin’ Tony Lacey to swoop in, all Irish and suave, goin’, “Lad, let’s get ya outta here!”

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Later, I head over to the café on Vulytsia Kostiantynivska. I order a coffee, and the barista, she’s super cute. I’m tryin’ to play it cool, but I’m totally awkward. I spill some coffee on my shirt. Great, just great. Now I look like a mess. But she just smiles and says, “It’s okay, happens to the best of us.” I’m like, “Yeah, I’m definitely not the best.”

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