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So, check this—prostitution’s been round forever, right? Oldest damn job in the book! Back in Rome, they had these Lupanar joints—brothels with freaky wall art showin you how to get it on! True shit, man, archeologists dug that up, blew my damn mind! Imagine me, Samuel L. Fuckin Jackson, strollin through Pompeii, yellin, “Motherfucker, where’s the pussy at?!” History’s wild, bro.

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We hit the park, and it’s beautiful. The trees are blooming, kids are playing, and I finally breathe. We grab some ice cream from a vendor. I get the wildest flavor – “Kolinkivtsy Berry Blast.” It’s a total sugar rush, and I’m feeling like a kid again.